Monday, May 31, 2010

Some things have happened recently that have really made me realize how uneven and impossible to measure everything truly is. I think about my BFA, and how it was supposed to be this giant, monumental event, and if I consider the accomplishment of graduation overall it really is. But when I get to thinking about how that hour actually went, and how I felt when it was over, it was hardly what I planned. BFAs went up, everyone performed, and then we tore them down again. What I remember is that I didn't feel changed. I certainly felt altered after undergrad on the whole, but never in the moments that I was prepared for it. I'm not sure if that's because of expectation or hype, or if pinpointing a cause even matters. The point is that life is built of ups and downs and that it is also unpredictable like everyone says it is, but what the don't mention is that all things are linked by a kind of underlying evenness that no one ever thinks to pay attention to. I don't believe that we can make any one moment or event more important than the next. We can make something extravagant, or attempt to line the odds up in our favor, but in a way it's sort of hopeless. Everyday is just another day. Sometimes extraordinary things do happen, but it is rarely if ever because we plan them. Everything that I consider to have had a profound effect on me as a person has happened on a day that I set out to call mundane.

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